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this album is for the people who i have hurt in my life and for the people who have hurt me. it is a collection of musical/poetic confessions put into bullshit songs that people are going to listen to and thrive off of my self hatred and loneliness that i experience on a daily basis because of the decisions i have made in my life.
i do not know you, the person reading this, but if you came across this and you are in need of help, put down your headphones or speakers and call a friend or family member. please help yourself and give yourself time.
this is for amayah, and the things i need to get off my chest because i have been living with copious amounts of guilt ever since i hurt her the way i did. i'm glad i still get to talk to you sometimes. i'm glad you are still in my life. but i'm hanging on by a thread. amayah i will always love you and value the patience you showed me. and i will always be sorry no matter how many times you tell me i am forgiven.
cain and edgar thank you for helping me put my brain into a sound. i love you guys and i hope we can make more music down the line. i don't know if i can keep doing this. but i'll take my own advice and fight. ya'll some talented mofos
to the listener, here is my brain, put into songs i guess.
-z
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2. |
give yourself time.
03:37
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i'm kind of getting over the fact that i can't date
i'm acting like a problem that you caused in the first place
but here we are alone again
i'd like to be sober, but i can't
i thought things would be the same but it turns out that i still miss you
and i can't get my shit together, my mental state changes with the weather
when will i be happy again?
if you wanna find something to blame
then blame me
but i will miss you
i'm not myself anymore
depends how hard i fall, i'll never walk again
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3. |
bing fuckio! (box drill)
02:01
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i'm helpless against all odds
but dude i dunno life's been throwing me curveballs lately
and i told you why i feel this way, but i can't help it
counterproductive under claims
i didn't do anything wrong
don't you ask me
don't you tell me
how i'm doing
i'm just fine.
i'll try to comprehend the planet
and the people are evil
and i'll cry screaming for help
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i'll try to release the tension between my shoulders
i'll walk down to the same old street where the house once stood
full of life and a tree in the backyard
and i held your hand so tight
another hat on the drain
i'll try to release it but you'll never see it coming
i don't know why i can't stop
maybe i need to grow up already
i'll never be the man the world wants me to be
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5. |
shit hawks
01:29
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i see the things that you can't
i really should've taken better care of myself
i tried to warn you and i'll tell you why
but i can't really tell you how i feel nothing at all
i thought i'd see you grow into a flower and i wanna tell you
but i just can't form the words
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6. |
cain, i am the danger!
03:17
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i'll never rush to put another bottle down
i know you've heard this story
and i don't know if i could get better than this
and in every situation you thought that i was better but i was really sinking
(down the)
right down the fucking drain
i wanna cut my hands off
the ones that you once held onto, when you had no one else to turn to
and now you don't give a flying fucking damn
no more
i don't want it
but please forgive me, i'm tired of living like a person without the legs to stand
(and i'll never rush to put, the put the bottle down ever again)
how can i replace you?
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7. |
i gave myself time.
02:37
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and working's a pain when you always stay drunk
and living gets hard when you're swimming with a rock
thank god i heard that today
and i'm seeing the things no one should see
should i pack up in a hurry or should i just leave?
maybe i'll find out today
so i'll take myself so that i won't wake up
and i'll tear my eyes out so i can't see the sun
my lungs will explode from screaming at my reflection
there's a hole in the wall, where the bottle was thrown
tell me god, when will it end?
tell me god, when will it end?
and god if you know everything, then why am i a joke?
you'll spit in my face and make me feel like i'm playing the saint
i swear to god i didn't do anything wrong
i didn't do anything wrong.
so i'll take myself so that i won't wake up
and i'll tear my eyes out so i can't see the sun
my lungs will explode from screaming at my reflection
there's a hole in the wall, where the bottle was thrown
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